Attachment

There may not exist an area of human thought/feeling that better highlights the disparity between the spiritual and psychological as attachment. At the core seems to be the perception of reality as being permanent or impermanent.

Let's start with the 'western' view. As the following graphic illustrates there are value judgements for each axis of style. 

Individuals with a secure attachment style, the double positive in this scheme, tend to have stable and healthy relationships. "Stable" can mean steady, firm, or not likely to change (e.g., a stable relationship). And so we see this is not a statement based on permanence but probability, as in not likely to change. 

In Buddhism, attachment is considered a primary cause of suffering because it is a form of clinging to impermanent things like people, objects, or ideas. This clinging creates a cycle of desire, disappointment, and distress when circumstances change, which is inevitable. Within this context relationships exist with an awareness of impermanence. Everything is impermanent in this life. No blaming or value judgements.

There is a continuum of sorts here in my view. It is helpful when enmeshed in relationships to see the psychological aspect and degree of suffering one is experiencing. As one moves from enmeshment to attachment to detachment to un-attachment to non-attachment the realization comes. It can lead to the spiritual insight of impermanence and detachment with Love.

It's the journey of my life. And it is worth the effort having worked with therapists through attachment styles and spiritual guides to somewhere approaching detachment with Love or non-attachement. Not everyone has come along for the ride. 

If you follow either set be prepared. Some people are invested in relationships just the way they have always been, pain or no pain. 

Mysticism

 I thought it helpful to remind myself why I fit into the category of mystic. It's a trajectory I've been on most of my life.

Summary

Mysticism: is the practice of pursuing spiritual insight. 

A mystic is a person who engages in mysticism, aiming for spiritual union or knowledge. 

Once they've awakened to the Divine and their consciousness has been united with the Divine, the mystic sets out into the everyday world.

A mystic is a person who believes in or seeks direct spiritual knowledge and union with the divine or ultimate reality, often through prayer, meditation, and intuition, rather than through ordinary human senses or intellect. As an adjective, mystic describes something that is spiritually significant, mysterious, symbolic, or beyond normal human comprehension. 

A mystic is a person who has experienced, or believes in the possibility of, profound spiritual insights or direct contact with the divine, a state beyond rational thought. 

They are devoted to spiritual understanding rather than material gain, focusing on the inner life and the path of spirituality. 

Mystic: can refer to practices or symbols that are esoteric, otherworldly, or spiritually significant. 

It can also describe qualities that are mysterious, awesome, or have a spiritual power that is hard to explain. 

The word relates to or is characteristic of mysticism, the belief in the existence of realities beyond human comprehension. 

Yup, fits me pretty well! 

Rei Toei has Granddaughter

 Tilly Norwood. Non corporeal, DNA-less, purely unmanifested object. 

It's been 30 years since examining the implications of Tilly's arrival for the first time. I am not excited, surprised or otherwise ruffled by the arrival. I have a context for it. Her ancestor, or beta model, was Rei Toei. 

William Gibson's 1996 cyberpunk novel Idoru features the culmination of what we are experiencing today. Celebrity is a main theme and how humanity devours it, is repulsed by it and enjoys it's destruction. That's my opinion. Give it a read and let me know. 

The context I refer to is rooted in ancient Vedanta philosophy and modern Noetic research. 

"We project our disembodied consciousness into the consensual hallucination we call the world."

It is this consciousness that fascinates some. There is no widely accepted definition that I know of. 

Consciousness, at its simplest, is awareness of a state or object, either internal to oneself or in one's external environment. However, its nature has led to millennia of analyses, explanations, and debate among philosophers, scientists, and theologians.

Source: Wikipedia

Yet consciousness and the ability to project complex human thoughts, mannerisms, and affects is what makes this AI object of interest. Tilly, the actor, will be manipulated in its own digital realm to elicit responses in our consciousness. Tilly has, I imagine, a limited range of consciousness that is enabled by mechanical and digital 'senses' analogous, perhaps, to human sight, taste, touch, speech, etc. I'm fairly certain that the plan is to enhance interactivity with AI analyzed inputs and outputs to seamlessly integrate with film scenarios and flesh and blood, 'meat' actors. And human actors can see the ratios shifting rapidly!

Context. That's what I said. Otherwise the beat goes on with consciousness of the group coming to a consensus about reality in the same way for centuries more. Mostly without awareness or critical thinking. It probably will continue for most people that way anyway. 

The context I've found provides a way out, thus not to be enmeshed and suffer needlessly. Maybe suffer just enough.
But that's why we're here isn't it? Me writing you reading. Drawn by some fascination. 

New article November 2025

When Questions have Negative Intentions

Rhetorical questions, as a cross-breed of questions and statements, represent an effective tool in putting forward the Speaker's ideas, as well as influencing the ideas and opinions of other people. Because of their communicative effectiveness and multifunctionality, they are frequently used in different contexts and for different purposes, not at all benign. Other types of questions can be sarcastic, or designed to open up controversial emotional content, and can close off certain responses and contain misinformation/red herrings to guide people into subtle traps. 

For example, Open and Closed question strategies are used by salespeople to focus attention on the desired product. Being a traveler the intent I run into so often is when someone asks a question to allow them to dominate the conversation with their stories, experiences and opinions. Feeling used, manipulated and exploited are the aftermath of these questions.

Conversational chess players love this stuff!

Positive questions have a wide range as well including:

Intents based on conversational flow

In communication, the purpose of a question often relates to how it drives or affects a conversation: 

• Introductory: Used to begin a conversation and engage with someone. For example: "How's work going?".
• Mirroring: Acknowledges what was just said and reflects it back to the speaker. For example: "Good. How about you?".
• Follow-up: Probes for more detail or information on a previous topic. For example: "What are you working on right now?".
• Switching: Intentionally changes the direction or topic of the conversation. For example: "Did you watch the game last night?". 

Intents based on information gathering

Questions can be designed with a specific goal in mind for the information they gather: 

• Clarifying: Used to confirm or better understand information that has already been shared. For example: "Are we implying that...?".
• Seeking information: The most common intent, used to gather facts and data. For example: "What is the status?" or "Who is involved?".
• Seeking understanding: Deeper than simple information gathering, these questions aim to grasp the meaning behind data. For example: "What does this mean for our long-term plan?".
• Stimulating creative thought: Also known as divergent questions, these encourage imagination or exploring cause-and-effect. They often have no single "correct" answer. For example: "What might have happened if...?". 
• Seeking judgment: Evaluative questions that ask for sophisticated levels of cognitive or emotional judgment. For example: "What are the similarities and differences between...?".

As I look through the 'positive' list I see that they can easily become negative. Also, when the asker takes the answer given as a condemnation, judgement and/or criticism of the hidden idea behind asking we quickly become aware something was off in the first place. In cases like this I am quick to point out the 'slight of hand' involved which usually ruins the game for the asker and pisses them off, having got found out. 

     "The only winning move is 

       not to play."

Becoming aware of how we use, or abuse, questions is an informative way to detect our orientation to others in conversations. Questions from positive intentions encourage consensus reality and trust, negative intentions promote betrayal and lack of trust.

 

Mr. Fix it No More

In all of my homes over the past 50 years I've had a workshop. When my first wife and I bought the first one in Rochester, NY, I had it in the basement. Small, simple and it allowed me to DIY the place. I graduated to the entire third car garage with my second wife. By the third marriage I had the better part of a barn to work in.

But focus here, this isn't about the marriages. If you must know they were 12 years, 12 years and 16 years. Not too shabby according to todays statistics, in my opinion.

I generally had two houses to fix up, repair and do maintenance on; my own and my mothers. At one point I had three when I included my oldest childs' place. Plenty to do and it seemed every new job required a new tool. That's how some of us operate. If you watch Makers Channel on streaming services you'll see it's not only a guy thing.

Finally, to the point. I'm setting up the folding clothes dryer just now and it struck me that I haven't fixed or repaired anything in 8 years! When I left the USA with a small carry on bag in 2017 all my belongings went somewhere, I never knew where, and I experienced a tremendous sense of relief. I still feel relieved.

I no longer carry the burden of figuring out what's wrong, looking up the best way to fix problems and working hard to manifest the right solution. 

I do change the oil on my motorcycle ;

 

Thai Love Story

 As I'm preparing to travel to Thailand 7 October I'm listening to language recordings and checking out upcoming festivals. Thais have alot of them! 

A favourite of mine is Loy Kratong (you can look it up) which has this love story associated with it and a unique dessert ‘Kanom Krok’ (ขนมครก)! These are half spherical coconut pancakes made with rice flour, coconut milk, sugar and various toppings. The outer part is crispy and the filling sweet, creamy and usually piping hot. What I had completely forgotten about this dessert though, is the tragic love story behind it.

Freshly made Kanom Krokto !

Not Romeo and Juliet, but Gati and Pang

Here is how the tale of Gati and Pang went. Similar to Romeo and Juliet, these two are star crossed lovers – Gati being a country man with a humble background and Pang, the only daughter to the village headman. Note that Gati in Thai means coconut milk and Pang means flour (you can see where this is going). Under the full moon during Loy Krathong festival one day, the moon witnessed their promise to love and cherish each other no matter what comes their way. Unfortunately for Gati, his biggest obstacle to living a happy married life with Pang is her disapproving father.

Gati worked hard, saved up and never gave up trying to ask Pang’s father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Men were sent to stop him, violently attacking him, but he persevered in hopes that one day his dream will come true. However his heart was crushed when he heard that Pang had been arranged to marry a distinguished gentleman from Bangkok.

Knowing Gati would come and try to prevent this marriage, Pang’s father sent his men out to dig traps to stop him. Luckily Pang overheard these nefarious plans and set off to warn her beloved of the dangers waiting for him that night. Through the darkness, the two spotted each other from afar and excitedly ran towards each other. Thud! Pang’s body hit the bottom of the pit her dad had planned for Gati. With no hesitation at all, Gati jumped in after to save her. Unbeknownst to the men hiding near the traps, they started to bury the pit thinking they had caught Gati.

When morning came, these men dug up the trap to show Pang’s father of their success. To their disbelief, in front of them were the lifeless bodies of Gati and Pang hugging and protecting each other.

From then on, every year locals would make a sweet dessert made of rice flour and coconut milk to commemorate Gati and Pang’s unwavering love. The desserts were made in small half spherical moulds and when cooked, the two halves were put together to make a whole (so Gati and Pang can always be together!). They called this “snacks for people who love each other”, which in Thai the word ‘Krok’ (ครก) is an acronym for.

Move Gracefully Among Enmeshment Attachment Detachment Non-Attachment

Love is a tough thing to write about. Romantic love, in my experience, is tough, period!

It seems that most of us conflate romantic love with Enmeshment and Attachment for a variety of reasons; upbringing, social media, entertainment, peers, etc. We tend to swim in a Sea of clinging behavior.

People who practice Detachment or Non-Attachment are viewed as cold or unloving in general. It takes a certain perspective to appreciate the finer points.

I am not a scholar, or a counselor, or, God forbid, a zealot. It is the practical that interests me. Also, I tend towards spiritual language and not psychological language. Check out these two takes on what seems to be similar human tendencies:

1. Psychological/biological - Addiction refers to the lack of control and inability to resist urges and cravings to use alcohol or drugs or people despite adverse consequences. Dependence on a substance refers to the biological effects that occur when a substance or relationship is used for weeks, months, or years.
2. In Hinduism, attachment (pratiksha) leads to suffering, while non-attachment (vairagya) leads to inner peace and spiritual freedom. Attachment involves a strong emotional dependence on external people or material things, hindering true happiness and creating fear and anxiety. Non-attachment, a key concept in many Yoga and Vedanta texts, encourages performing one's duties without clinging to the results of actions, fostering inner balance and a connection with one's eternal, unattached spiritual nature.

There came a time when both the substance and emotional dependence became painful enough to move in the opposite direction, namely detachment, then non-attachment. It was a spiritual quest and not behaviour modification that brought about a lasting change. 

Looking inward, consistently over a long period of time, resulted in clarity and the discernment necessary to move gracefully to a new freedom.

* Definitions from Google Search