Attachment

There may not exist an area of human thought/feeling that better highlights the disparity between the spiritual and psychological as attachment. At the core seems to be the perception of reality as being permanent or impermanent.

Let's start with the 'western' view. As the following graphic illustrates there are value judgements for each axis of style. 

Individuals with a secure attachment style, the double positive in this scheme, tend to have stable and healthy relationships. "Stable" can mean steady, firm, or not likely to change (e.g., a stable relationship). And so we see this is not a statement based on permanence but probability, as in not likely to change. 

In Buddhism, attachment is considered a primary cause of suffering because it is a form of clinging to impermanent things like people, objects, or ideas. This clinging creates a cycle of desire, disappointment, and distress when circumstances change, which is inevitable. Within this context relationships exist with an awareness of impermanence. Everything is impermanent in this life. No blaming or value judgements.

There is a continuum of sorts here in my view. It is helpful when enmeshed in relationships to see the psychological aspect and degree of suffering one is experiencing. As one moves from enmeshment to attachment to detachment to un-attachment to non-attachment the realization comes. It can lead to the spiritual insight of impermanence and detachment with Love.

It's the journey of my life. And it is worth the effort having worked with therapists through attachment styles and spiritual guides to somewhere approaching detachment with Love or non-attachement. Not everyone has come along for the ride. 

If you follow either set be prepared. Some people are invested in relationships just the way they have always been, pain or no pain. 

Mr. Fix it No More

In all of my homes over the past 50 years I've had a workshop. When my first wife and I bought the first one in Rochester, NY, I had it in the basement. Small, simple and it allowed me to DIY the place. I graduated to the entire third car garage with my second wife. By the third marriage I had the better part of a barn to work in.

But focus here, this isn't about the marriages. If you must know they were 12 years, 12 years and 16 years. Not too shabby according to todays statistics, in my opinion.

I generally had two houses to fix up, repair and do maintenance on; my own and my mothers. At one point I had three when I included my oldest childs' place. Plenty to do and it seemed every new job required a new tool. That's how some of us operate. If you watch Makers Channel on streaming services you'll see it's not only a guy thing.

Finally, to the point. I'm setting up the folding clothes dryer just now and it struck me that I haven't fixed or repaired anything in 8 years! When I left the USA with a small carry on bag in 2017 all my belongings went somewhere, I never knew where, and I experienced a tremendous sense of relief. I still feel relieved.

I no longer carry the burden of figuring out what's wrong, looking up the best way to fix problems and working hard to manifest the right solution. 

I do change the oil on my motorcycle ;