Attachment

There may not exist an area of human thought/feeling that better highlights the disparity between the spiritual and psychological as attachment. At the core seems to be the perception of reality as being permanent or impermanent.

Let's start with the 'western' view. As the following graphic illustrates there are value judgements for each axis of style. 

Individuals with a secure attachment style, the double positive in this scheme, tend to have stable and healthy relationships. "Stable" can mean steady, firm, or not likely to change (e.g., a stable relationship). And so we see this is not a statement based on permanence but probability, as in not likely to change. 

In Buddhism, attachment is considered a primary cause of suffering because it is a form of clinging to impermanent things like people, objects, or ideas. This clinging creates a cycle of desire, disappointment, and distress when circumstances change, which is inevitable. Within this context relationships exist with an awareness of impermanence. Everything is impermanent in this life. No blaming or value judgements.

There is a continuum of sorts here in my view. It is helpful when enmeshed in relationships to see the psychological aspect and degree of suffering one is experiencing. As one moves from enmeshment to attachment to detachment to un-attachment to non-attachment the realization comes. It can lead to the spiritual insight of impermanence and detachment with Love.

It's the journey of my life. And it is worth the effort having worked with therapists through attachment styles and spiritual guides to somewhere approaching detachment with Love or non-attachement. Not everyone has come along for the ride. 

If you follow either set be prepared. Some people are invested in relationships just the way they have always been, pain or no pain.