Freedom From the Past

 

Many things are not easy. Realizing the role self-will plays in continued suffering is high among them. Everything, it seems, is stacked against this insight. From an early age the pressure to be self actuated is intense and unrelenting. I'm not arguing against it. In some of us, perhaps almost all of us, the reliance on ego experiences alone outstrips the benefits.

In other posts I have opened up the positive effects of ego-deflation, surrender, and Self-Enquiry as antidote to the sufferings caused by self-will. Here I attempt to sort out the lingering and recurring effects on those who choose to reverse this trend, especially in relationships. Specifically, the problems associated with unblinking reliance on Forgiveness to cure our emotional and spiritual woes.

Forgiveness is considered to be a powerful tool for reclaiming power, attaining emotional freedom and improving health. Unless there is ego-deflation these methods inevitably lead to protecting self-image, restoring a sense of control and regaining a sense of superiority. In fact, it bolsters up the ego that helped cause the problems in the first place.

So what to do? Over many years I have found that genuine compassion, a spiritual practice as opposed to psycho-therapeutic, is selfless, empathetic and leads to freedom. It is certainly a more difficult undertaking and one which requires vigilance to not resume the inflated ego but rather focuses on the wrongs we have done others.

Referred to as the practice of being hard on ourselves and easy on others, it has not gained a lot of adherents over the years. By its' very practice it minimizes the reliance on self as elevated in relationships and inserts us as co-creaters in misery. Asking what I have done to fuel the unease in relationships requires a different approach, a leveling of the power dynamics usually perceived in uncomfortable relations. It pulls the rug out from under being a victim. Others no long are perceived as having more power.

Personally, I have experienced qualified relief by focusing on forgiveness but have been relieved of all burdens by admitting my role and not expecting anything in return.

The resulting freedom is directly experienced as a miracle. Years of resentment disappear without a trace

Unity

A friend asked recently

"It is like if I feel the human world and the divine world separated How to unify them?"

If you want Unity alone 
Why do you accept
The existence of
Anything else

This is the question. A seed question to be meditated on. It focuses the mind's attention on the area of unification in us. I have found that the root of deep nonacceptance of Unity is the over activity of mind which continually creates this and that. 

When the mind is stilled, Unity then is seen through Grace.

It is a question to challenge the mind
Why do I accept the illusions
Why accept the fear
Why accept the depression
When the Self is in me

There are these times on the spiritual journey when we seem alone. It is unpleasant. Sometimes terrifying. Living through them it always appears these arise when mind and reliance on discursive, rational thinking was dominant. In their place these facilities are necessary. However, they tend to lead us into the dense and dark pathways far from the Light. The human world, as you put it, is of the mind and thought. It changes often. Impermanent. 

Finding the essence of who we are is the key to seeing Unity. It comes first followed by thoughts of the world. Staying with inner realization of Self, Unity, is the proper order in life. Unity illuminates the world of this and that.

Mostly we are taught the inverse. This inversion creates the crisis.

Be well and know Grace is everywhere.

The reply says it all! 

It makes me feel really better peaceful quiet I needed your help to cross and get out of the nightmare I keep your words on my heart to rely on them and meditate on them thank you 🙏

Ascent

 

This will be a difficult topic to discuss. It could just as well have been titled Knots* for it is that complex and difficult to undo. One reason for this difficulty is the elusive nature of the mind. Hmmm, that's the whole nature of it!

I dislike using metaphors and analogies^m but in this case it will make the introduction more palatable. To go straight into the topic will cause a sort of vertigo and some will drop off without getting even a glimpse of what I am trying to say. Take what you can and leave the rest. 

Climbing the mountain of spiritual insight is a long and truly pathless hike. It takes most of us years of dedication and practice to gain any headway up the gentlest slopes. As we reach the summit, the obstacles are many and perilous, as many sages have attested to. The area of ascent I want to focus on is that of 'subject and object are one(SOAO).'

Many years ago, while practicing the varied Vispassana techniques, my direct experience of this was certified by the accomplished practitioner assigned to me+. It's pointless to delve into the realization itself so what interests me here is what happens after such experiences. Subject and object becoming One is a direct experience as there is no separation, no observation, and therefore no thing to talk about. There are no thoughts or concepts and no trophies received or postcards to send home. I did mention it is a long climb up ^e. 

If we are fortunate enough, as I was, we have someone to give a frame of reference for the experience. Many I have talked to just freaked out, backed away from meditation practice or sought mental health advice. Some continued on alone and had psychotic breaks. Over the years I have used all of these tactics. Having a guide is helpful to avoid these blind canyons and avalanches on the ascent. Metaphor again.

As I pointed out there is no thing to talk about and yet almost everyone, filled with the after effects of the experience, feels impelled to do so. Having spent so much time being educated and reinforced in the 'reality' that I am me and you are you, this is this and that is that, the substance of subject and object duality, we revert back to it automatically. Therefore, describing SOAO pulls one back into that which we just experienced, dissolving it, and we objectify the experience. Many also set themselves up as guides, teachers and/or gurus without depth of experience or freedom from the pull of conditioning in the world of subject and object thinking. So in discussing SOAO they perpetuate the duality of subject object perspectives somehow expecting others can have a direct experience of oneness from this constant barrage of this and that. It also keeps the 'teacher' stuck back in the mind state prior to the SOAO experience. 

SOAO is an experiential state of consciousness that is preintellectual, it exists before the development, use, or application of the intellect, logic, or conscious reasoning. If you haven't experienced it the only way to approach it is through conditioned subject/object frames of mind where we, the subject, create names and forms, objects, through projection and identification. This is the 'real world' of material objects. And it is comforting to maintain a grasp on this frame of mind. It validates who I am.

The way someone who has experienced the SOAO state can cultivate a sense of awareness is to loosen up the learned world of form and names. Discovering a persons direct preintellectual experiences, Aha or wow moments we all have, and helping to weave those together is a great tool. Also acknowledging when a person is having a preintellectual moment in our presence also creates an experiential link. Everyone has the look of discovery, eyes wider and happier, when these occur. Reinforcing the value of these is key to pursuing more and more of these moments until the question arises "Why do I want to stray so far from this?!"

^{e   And this is the slippery slope of talking about SOAO leading into ego entanglement.}

^m All metaphors and analogies must collapse into Truth at some point or other if they are useful.

* I suspect the reason for Pope Francis' devotion to Our Lady of Knots has a similar attraction.

+ We have a great aversion to using Guru, Sage or Enlightened One these days. Suffice it to say they knew more than I did at the time.

Dimensions of Reality

 

The years of conversations, disagreements and meetings of the mind have taught me a lot about human interactions. The greatest lesson is to pay attention to what frame each person seems to be speaking from. By this I mean what are the words being used, how are they used and how much energy of what kind is coming across to me. I have no problem at all cutting short an exchange if the indicators start telling me it's getting unreasonable or heated.

It happened the other night when a group was sitting around in a social situation when a man started to mock a nurse for having a scientific view of germs. He called it indoctrination when I pointed out that she was a trained nurse in the medical profession. As he escalated his rant, I said, "I'm not willing to listen to your version of reality," and went to another small group.

What we see and hear so often in America these days is a conflict in our visions of reality. The world as you see it right here, right now, is reality regardless of what scientists say about it. And the world revealed by scientific discovery is also reality, no matter how it may appear. People tend to have a favored dimension of reality and are upset when others intrude on it and challenge their lifestyle.*

There can be two mutually inconsistent realities, one of immediate appearance, ruled by function and feel, and one of underlying scientific explanation, ruled by analytics and research. Of course they don't fit and don't have much of anything to do with one another. Now that's quite a situation!

Now the metaphor of dimensions, seeing ones point of view and even realities are all related to sight. I just had cataract surgery where my right eye lens was replaced giving me 20/15 vision. Pretty darn good I'd say. Well the left eye is 20/30'ish but has the advantage of being able to see small print. Two different ways of seeing things. 

I remember using contact lenses decades ago and came across the strategy of mono vision. Monovision is a vision correction strategy that adjusts one eye for distance and the other for near, reducing reliance on glasses though it may take time for the brain to learn to "balance" between the two images. So far my brain is adapting pretty well and I can see far away and close up. By closing one eye I can really see great in either dimension. Enough of that for now.

Time for another metaphor. One of my favorites is, "The one with the shovel gets to dig the ditch." I used to feel put upon sometimes that I was the one that always got things done at home, at work or just about anywhere. This phrase has helped keep my ego right sized on many occasions and has a place at the center of this situation of mutually exclusive dimensionality. If you can see the difference, that's your shovel. Perfecting the dimension correcting strategy similar to that of Monovision allows the opportunity to interpret what has been irreconcilable differences and at least allow the possibility of reconciling the situation a bit or at least de-escalating it. The brain has to adapt to speak from  and about both worlds coherently.

The ability to see differing dimensions of reality is a strategy and one that requires effort and lots of practice. For me it has been worth it. 

There is, however, a cautionary note for serious consideration. Anyone willing to take up this strategy, practice seeing both dimensions, must exercise extreme care. You may be considered eccentric, then possibly crazy and shunned or possibly institutionalized by court-ordered removal from society. Exercising discretion is key as in the following riddle:

What's the difference between a mystic and a psychotic?

The difference is that the mystic knows who not to talk to! 

 

*Apologies to Robert M. Pirsig

Why?

 

I've been asked, "Why do you meditate?"

When you have experienced Meditation you will know. When dull thought is removed. When the moment flashes through you vividly as living truth. When you perceive directly, almost without thought process. 

At these times I am something real, the only real thing about my present state and all the conscious activity connected with my body is centered on that I. From that moment onwards the 'I' or Self focuses attention on itself with a powerful fascination. 

It is that fascination that draws me to the Source.

 

If you direct your attention outside you may attain much, but that much will not count much in the end. If you are a stranger to yourself, even the whole world will not fulfill you.

Most of us are raised only to focus our attention outward. Even in spiritual and/or religious rituals we are devoting ourselves to an external something. It's no wonder that when we are approached with a challenge to look inwards we are skeptical. If you are anything like me there is a swirl of thoughts, emotions, and desires that exist when attempting to know who we are.

For a very few there is an instantaneous awareness of who they really are. The rest of us come to a vague understanding that there is a possibility that something might exist outside the material world of change, disappointment and pain. But how do we find our way? For me there were a series of people, books and practices. It was time consuming and a process of trial and error until I began to see the benefits of looking inward.

Each of us will find our way if we persevere. Every human being is seeking the source and must one day come to it. We come from Within; we have gone outward and now must return inward to rid ourselves of the feeling “Is that all there is.”

We have covered our true selves over with thoughts and passions. To throw them off we must concentrate. Who is it that goes in and out? Who is it that has thoughts and passions? It is the I that I think I am. Who am I?
This is Self-enquiry; cooperating with the force that attracts us.
The Self is like a powerful magnet hidden within us. It draws us gradually to Itself. When we are near enough, It puts an end to our other activities, makes us still and then swallows up our individual current thus ending our personality. It overwhelms the intellect and floods the whole being. We are like iron filings and It is the Self-magnet that is pulling us inwards. The process of finding Self is a form of divine magnetism. A powerful attraction.

Why Not Act Your Age?

American Baby-Boomers are perhaps the most death-denying generation in human history.We grew up in a post-war boom that probably will never see an equal. It gave us a feeling of superiority, invincibility and immortality. It was, in a sense, a Disneyland idea that life was always going to get better. It just was inconceivable that we would die so we’re trying to lie, cheat and steal our way. Septuagenarian marathons, face fillers and surgery and reinforced denial are some examples. And part of the situation arises with the contempt of younger people and social isolation of the aging.

It's not like that around the world. Traditional Asian cultures, for example, are inclined to venerate the elderly for their decades of acquired insight and wisdom. The U.S., a younger country with an equally young ethos, does not show the same respect. In fact, I have been ignored in social gatherings by my children and a strong message was that I would be taken care of as long as I could "pull my own weight." Can I trust them with my well-being with that attitude when I really decline?

My approach isn't to look for the life everlasting, or confront the bleakness of the universe, or hide from the realities of my body. It is to cultivate the same attitude I have relied on for almost 50 years; Curiosity. In overcoming personal difficulties I sought an inner peace, in physical problems Yoga Insight, and with relationships there were therapists to help investigate. I am convinced that my seeing clearly by looking at what is, not what I or others want, is crucial to a content old age. Damned exciting stuff!

I shun those around me who dispense ready platitudes and bromides about my not being old. Oddly they can be of any age. It seems obvious to me that it is they who are uncomfortable and would like me to not really be me but the forever young version they prefer in front of them. I am what I am. And I can deal with it. Save your well meaning phrases, please.

As I enter my 80th year I'm feeling a pull back from the very physical and active life I've been leading up to this past year. I'm fortunate to have been able to do it all. This year I'm cutting back on exercise, long bicycle touring and late nights. We'll see how driving a car and my motorcycle go this summer. International travel has been getting more difficult. The anxiety and uncertainty of changing visa regulations, international conflicts, airport checks and uncertain foreign exchange markets are big factors in enjoying myself while traveling.

I'll just have to see how things turn out.