Move Gracefully Among Enmeshment Attachment Detachment Non-Attachment

Love is a tough thing to write about. Romantic love, in my experience, is tough, period!

It seems that most of us conflate romantic love with Enmeshment and Attachment for a variety of reasons; upbringing, social media, entertainment, peers, etc. We tend to swim in a Sea of clinging behavior.

People who practice Detachment or Non-Attachment are viewed as cold or unloving in general. It takes a certain perspective to appreciate the finer points.

I am not a scholar, or a counselor, or, God forbid, a zealot. It is the practical that interests me. Also, I tend towards spiritual language and not psychological language. Check out these two takes on what seems to be similar human tendencies:

1. Psychological/biological - Addiction refers to the lack of control and inability to resist urges and cravings to use alcohol or drugs or people despite adverse consequences. Dependence on a refers to the biological effects that occur when a substance or relationship is used for weeks, months, or years.
2. In Hinduism, attachment (pratiksha) leads to suffering, while non-attachment (vairagya) leads to inner peace and spiritual freedom. Attachment involves a strong emotional dependence on external people or material things, hindering true happiness and creating fear and anxiety. Non-attachment, a key concept in many Yoga and Vedanta texts, encourages performing one's duties without clinging to the results of actions, fostering inner balance and a connection with one's eternal, unattached spiritual nature.

* Definitions from Google Search

Dependence - one more time

 I'm really not sure if I climbed the Hill again or descended into Hell again. 7 days of agony felt more like the latter and the view from the other side feels like the former.

For those of you who have known me long enough, I have quit coffee many times, tea a few times and both not that often. My first slog was around 1980 and was not pleasant. I had been drinking somewhere between 10 and 14 cups of coffee a day to keep up with life as I created it:

• figuring out how to be a new Dad
• completing an M.B.A. program
• full-time hospital administrator
• owning and co-running two dance wear stores

Anyway, I went cold turkey and was on the floor writhing in agony in short order. I'm not sure how long that lasted, or if I even really detoxed, but I go through similar cycles every so often. A few months ago the inconveniences of caffeine dependence became clear and unmanageable. My legs were cramping, fingers shaking the peas off my spoon, bloating, mental fuzz, irritability and an inability to really get into my meditation practice. It was the last of these that led to the decision.

To me that seems bizarre. I can deal now with body inconveniences, minor pain and brain fog but mess with my deeper meditative states and that ends it! Well maybe not so bizarre as that is the core of my life now that I've entered this sannyasin or fourth stage of life*.  "Deeper meditative states" is a real tricky area. For me and discussion in general. There is no doubt that they can be directly expereinced but talking about them is tricky for many reasons. 

• Ego inflation after the experience; the 'I' did something trap
• Others will think you are nuts
• Desire to re-live the experience
• Creating anger, jealousy or resentment in others

It can go on and on. However, this is me talking to a few friends who hopefully know how human and flawed I am.

I am happy to report that 12 days later all the body symptoms have been relieved and I am much calmer when meditating, that is, can go deeper in silence. Sure I miss the drug and I'm sure I will rationalize its' use again. Maybe sooner, maybe later. For now I am very pleased.

The commeraderie of Chai stall or Coffee Cafe is missed without a doubt. 

*   In Hindu philosophy, life is traditionally divided into four stages, known as Ashramas: Brahmacharya (student), Grihastha (householder), Vanaprastha (retired), and Sannyasa (renunciate). These stages represent a progressive path of learning, responsibility, and spiritual development.