I'm really not sure if I climbed the Hill again or descended into Hell again. 7 days of agony felt more like the latter and the view from the other side feels like the former.
For those of you who have known me long enough, I have quit coffee many times, tea a few times and both not that often. My first slog was around 1980 and was not pleasant. I had been drinking somewhere between 10 and 14 cups of coffee a day to keep up with life as I created it:
- figuring out how to be a new Dad
- completing an M.B.A. program
- full-time hospital administrator
- owning and co-running two dance wear stores
Anyway, I went cold turkey and was on the floor writhing in agony in short order. I'm not sure how long that lasted, or if I even really detoxed, but I go through similar cycles every so often. A few months ago the inconveniences of caffeine dependence became clear and unmanageable. My legs were cramping, fingers shaking the peas off my spoon, bloating, mental fuzz, irritability and an inability to really get into my meditation practice. It was the last of these that led to the decision.
To me that seems bizarre. I can deal now with body inconveniences, minor pain and brain fog but mess with my deeper meditative states and that ends it! Well maybe not so bizarre as that is the core of my life now that I've entered this sannyasin or fourth stage of life*. "Deeper meditative states" is a real tricky area. For me and discussion in general. There is no doubt that they can be directly expereinced but talking about them is tricky for many reasons.
- Ego inflation after the experience; the 'I' did something trap
- Others will think you are nuts
- Desire to re-live the experience
- Creating anger, jealousy or resentment in others
* In Hindu philosophy, life is traditionally divided into four stages, known as Ashramas: Brahmacharya (student), Grihastha (householder), Vanaprastha (retired), and Sannyasa (renunciate). These stages represent a progressive path of learning, responsibility, and spiritual development.
