Contra-Para-Is

The search for an inner life is frustrating. Two helpful guidelines: don't expect fairness and don't hold on to old ideas.

Most of us begin this search because of a painful experience or sense of 'is that all

O

there is'. The lives we lead are based on years of learned behaviour, thoughts and memory complexes. In the end they are not lasting, ever changing.

We also possess a sense of awareness that goes deeper and illuminates. Consistent trust in this can guide us out of dependence on the external, world. 

The effort is not to attain something rather eliminating all that hinders resting inwardly.

What appears as contradiction softens to paradox and eventually reveals itself as simply what is.

Moving on - holding on

 

What is it that keeps is from this moving on? Maybe it's what we are holding on to. But if that's simply memories and thoughts what are we doing?

In relationships I hold on too much to thoughts and expectations. No matter how clear the communication we tend to hold on too these thoughts, impressions and interpretations. Seldom so our take aways align perfectly with others take aways. I'm not possessive or obsessive what I'm saying is that when we form a mental map we tend to want to follow it. No matter if it's flawed. Of no one noticed the flaws then no discussion!

On top of this we heap a flawed interpretation of what we want to move on from. Big problem. We didn't get the whole picture then and have less chance of accuracy when we try to move on. It sucks.

It seems that letting go of all that useless crap is a big part of moving on. And there are many giving advice on how to do that. Isn't it a matter of stopping. Just stop? Minute to minute whenever the old thoughts and memories arise.

One of those simple but not easy things 😉☺️

Moving On - from what

 

Moving on in the physical realm is made easier by a map. Go from here to there. Simple. Two dimensions. Get out and start walking it's a different matter entirely. Shit happens. Obstacles appear.

Moving on in the matter of relationship begins in multiple dimensions and gets more difficult! No map. A cluster of hopes, fantasies, memories, thoughts and interpretations. 

So we want to move on from this construct that we think is real, or thought was real. Does anyone ever question this ❓ Part of the breaking up is realizing we didn't know what we thought we knew, right?

Moving on - prep

 I hear that a lot. In film, in print, online. What does moving on mean to you? Here are a couple choices:

     Moving on means not thinking of your ex with anger, resentment or hatred. It means not spending hours looking at their social media activity, or trying to find who they're with now. It means not making it your life's mission to avoid them, or to “accidentally” bump into them.

     Let's put that issue aside and move on. We should move on to the next item on the list. After 10 years working for one company, she felt it was time to move on to a new job.

Both sound pretty good right. To me the first is going around and the second jumping over the 'object' moved on from.

The object in these cases is a mental construct of thoughts, memories and projections. So we want to move on from what we think is real, or thought was real.

Maybe that's where we should start.

Monks and Mortality

A monk I met recently gave me a book to read that was on the NYT best sellers list. Doesn't sound like much right? The meeting of this man, our conversation and th implications definitely are a big deal for me. He is caretaker and former monk at a once active Buddhist Temple where I go to often. 

I met him one day when he and a couple friends were drinking in a corner of the yard behind the ordination hall. They had the standard Thai street set up; small bottle of moonshine, large bottle of water and bowl of limes. Somewhere in the conversation about why he isn't a monk anymore he told me that he wants to be in paradise. I heard the longing and frustration in that and the implication for daily drinking. Definitely lost his way. 

The book he gave me, Being Mortal, is about mortality and how modern medicine transformed many dangers in life but when it comes to aging and death what medicine can do often runs contrary to what it should do. My career as in healthcare taught me that as well.

I want to find out how these threads connect for this intelligent being who has moved away from a life of faith to one of addiction.

The Time is Now

 It has been 4 years since the last entry here. Maybe 5 years. Of course there is a reason.

I returned from my 3 month trip to Tiruvannamali, India in January of 2017. Don't really care exactly because it was the end of the life I had been living for almost 20 years. I guess at 76 the years aren't milestones any more.

Anyway, the people I love decided, independently I hope, to say goodbye to me and asked me to leave them. Says a lot about me, for certain. I have always had ass-hat tendencies and I guess it all caught up with me at that time. No pity, maybe some judgement and overall a sense of relief.

Perhaps they sensed the longing in me to be quit of the drama, frequent and copious IMHO, that came with these relationships. I certainly didn't have the courage or power to leave them. Probably still don't. So there is a sense of gratitude that they took the final step for me. I have been free to travel the world since then and pursue my spiritual, intellectual and wanderer interests wihtout trying to fit them into my "life."

So, the time is now to begin writing again. What's going on, what do I see and experience and how does this world of 2023 look to someone born Mid Last Century?