Move Gracefully Among Enmeshment Attachment Detachment Non-Attachment

Love is a tough thing to write about. Romantic love, in my experience, is tough, period!

It seems that most of us conflate romantic love with Enmeshment and Attachment for a variety of reasons; upbringing, social media, entertainment, peers, etc. We tend to swim in a Sea of clinging behavior.

People who practice Detachment or Non-Attachment are viewed as cold or unloving in general. It takes a certain perspective to appreciate the finer points.

I am not a scholar, or a counselor, or, God forbid, a zealot. It is the practical that interests me. Also, I tend towards spiritual language and not psychological language. Check out these two takes on what seems to be similar human tendencies:

1. Psychological/biological - Addiction refers to the lack of control and inability to resist urges and cravings to use alcohol or drugs or people despite adverse consequences. Dependence on a refers to the biological effects that occur when a substance or relationship is used for weeks, months, or years.
2. In Hinduism, attachment (pratiksha) leads to suffering, while non-attachment (vairagya) leads to inner peace and spiritual freedom. Attachment involves a strong emotional dependence on external people or material things, hindering true happiness and creating fear and anxiety. Non-attachment, a key concept in many Yoga and Vedanta texts, encourages performing one's duties without clinging to the results of actions, fostering inner balance and a connection with one's eternal, unattached spiritual nature.

* Definitions from Google Search

Dependence - one more time

 I'm really not sure if I climbed the Hill again or descended into Hell again. 7 days of agony felt more like the latter and the view from the other side feels like the former.

For those of you who have known me long enough, I have quit coffee many times, tea a few times and both not that often. My first slog was around 1980 and was not pleasant. I had been drinking somewhere between 10 and 14 cups of coffee a day to keep up with life as I created it:

• figuring out how to be a new Dad
• completing an M.B.A. program
• full-time hospital administrator
• owning and co-running two dance wear stores

Anyway, I went cold turkey and was on the floor writhing in agony in short order. I'm not sure how long that lasted, or if I even really detoxed, but I go through similar cycles every so often. A few months ago the inconveniences of caffeine dependence became clear and unmanageable. My legs were cramping, fingers shaking the peas off my spoon, bloating, mental fuzz, irritability and an inability to really get into my meditation practice. It was the last of these that led to the decision.

To me that seems bizarre. I can deal now with body inconveniences, minor pain and brain fog but mess with my deeper meditative states and that ends it! Well maybe not so bizarre as that is the core of my life now that I've entered this sannyasin or fourth stage of life*.  "Deeper meditative states" is a real tricky area. For me and discussion in general. There is no doubt that they can be directly expereinced but talking about them is tricky for many reasons. 

• Ego inflation after the experience; the 'I' did something trap
• Others will think you are nuts
• Desire to re-live the experience
• Creating anger, jealousy or resentment in others

It can go on and on. However, this is me talking to a few friends who hopefully know how human and flawed I am.

I am happy to report that 12 days later all the body symptoms have been relieved and I am much calmer when meditating, that is, can go deeper in silence. Sure I miss the drug and I'm sure I will rationalize its' use again. Maybe sooner, maybe later. For now I am very pleased.

The commeraderie of Chai stall or Coffee Cafe is missed without a doubt. 

*   In Hindu philosophy, life is traditionally divided into four stages, known as Ashramas: Brahmacharya (student), Grihastha (householder), Vanaprastha (retired), and Sannyasa (renunciate). These stages represent a progressive path of learning, responsibility, and spiritual development. 

Be True To The Sense Of Wonder In Your Life

 

All thinking beings in this world are bound to wonder, at one time or the other, whether anything abides in this evanescent life. But not having the will to invest the passing sense of wonder with the seriousness of a persistent enquiry, the vast majority of people slip back to the routine of life. The rare ones who persist with the pursuit are the victors. Their prize, silent inner transformation of being, consciousness and bliss.

Having these passing moments of wonder, of an elevated sense of being, is part of being human. Focusing attention and realizing they are glimpses into our real nature is a gateway to a life lived with a powerful fascination of a living truth.

Nature Is A Sea Of Green and other stuff

Nature is a Sea of green is a poem I wrote many years ago at the Springwater Center in Springwater, NY just south of Rochester, NY. It was dedicated to someone I knew in the early days of this center after one of our conversations.

Nature Is A Sea Of Green

Nature is a Sea of Green

Surrounding the deck

Of the ship that I sit on

Sailing the valley below

Neither advancing

Nor receding.

Everything vibrates effortlessly.

Everywhere. Nowhere.

Am ‘I’ the I

I think I am?

Memories fade.

Images of self

Deceive me.

One stands apart now

Observing the video

Of self and others playing.

An endless loop.

What remains of the ‘me’

I thought I was is pressed inward.

Shadows dancing

In front of a candle

N.B. The fantastic recording was done years later by Lea Weidig, Love of My Life 

I Am Luminous

This thin shell
Reveals
The treasures
Within

Look past it all
And see the
Source

No separation
Is the key
Unlocking
Mind to mind
Heart to heart
Essence of
Beyond the beyond
In the here
Now

Do not fear
The Light

Dhiyo Yonaha Prachodayat

Self As Magnet

Every human being is seeking the source and must one day come to it.  

We come from Within; we have gone outward and now must return inward 

to rid ourselves of the feeling “Is that all there is.”

We have covered ourselves over with thoughts and passions.  

To throw them off we must concentrate.  

Who is it that goes in and out? Who is it that has thoughts and passions?  

It is the I that I think I am. Who am I?

This is Self-enquiry; cooperating with the force that attracts us.

The Self is like a powerful magnet hidden within us.  

It draws us gradually to Itself.  

When we are near enough it puts an end to our other activities, makes us still  

and then swallows up our individual current thus ending our personality.  

It overwhelms the intellect and floods the whole being.  

We are like iron filings and It is the Self-magnet that is pulling us inwards.  

The process of finding Self is a form of divine magnetism.  

A powerful attraction.

Settling In

 Settling in nicely to life around Arunachala, the sacred mountain in Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu.

My apartment is cozy and calm, unusual in my experience of India. The walls are ochre with turquoise doors. I look forward to being there and rest peacefully. 

Today was laundry day and with a steady breeze all should dry quickly. Walking around in shorts means I won't visit the holy sites that are on my daily rounds. A little respect goes a long way and benefits me to be careful in my dress and speech.

I'm filling my days with enjoyable passtimes such as music and learning language. I found a simpatico Tamil teacher online and have set up two lessons a week. Lots of opportunities to practice as my friends are happy to help me out. 

Amazon had a decent Ukulele that I received two days ago. Getting my fingers in shape again will take a bit. Nevertheless I've played with my 'son' Veechu at his Cafe called Nomad Café. Tuesday and Friday nights is a Bhajan Jam which brings many foreigners with guitars out to play together. It's the first time I've ever played and sung in front of others. Quite the experience and I'm kinda liking it.

Of course there are always places for treats when traveling. Nandhini's Cafe has very nice western sandwiches and salad along with yummy sweet treats. Today was chocolate almond cake with cappuccino for a mid-day pick-me-up.

As always, there are so many opportunities for discussions about philosophy and spirituality. Some are tiresome truth be told. But it still creates a very rich and satisfying atmosphere to live in.

Fascinating Ways of Writing to Communicate

 

I am totally fascinated now with the script used in Tamil Nadu, India and the one used in Thailand. The swirls, curves, twists and turns captivate my attention in a way that Roman Alphabet script never did. Not even going to try to figure it out as I am currently enjoying the beginning of learning Tamil. 

Just look at these scripts!

Tamil Alphabet

Thai Consonants

Okay, so lots of people say that learning these languages is difficult. Probably. It requires a lot of a native English speaker in that the mouth, lips, tongue and other dormant parts are actively required. Cool. 

Besides the scripts the musicality of the languages is challenging and also a new dimension that I first came across traveling the southwest of America listening to indigenous people speak. Even when speaking English the melodies came through. Now it seems that Tamil uses cadence and rhythm while Thai has 5 tonal modes that gives many people fits. 

I'm totally willing to give the native speakers in these languages the grins and giggles as they hear me attempt to communicate. It's ok. I know I'm not fluent and it just doesn't matter. It's a matter of curiosity and being on the edge of experience dealing with the continual awareness of embarrassment but not giving a damn. Pushing on and through until it clicks. Nice.

My landlady and her daughters are willing to spend time without laughing a whole lot ;) and I found a reputable online tutoring service and will meet with a teacher twice weekly. Karthik, the cafe owner where I go almost every day, has taken an interest as well. All really good people.

In a phrase, I'm enjoying myself immensely when interacting in this way. A great counterpoint to the considerable time I spend in Silence.

The Lover

 The Circle Around the Zero

 

A lover doesn't figure the odds.

 

He figures he came clean from God

as a gift without a reason,

so he gives without cause

or calculation or limit.

 

A conventionally religious person

behaves a certain way

to achieve salvation.

 

A lover gambles everything, the self,

the circle around the zero!  He or she

cuts and throws it all away.

 

This is beyond

any religion.

 

Lovers do not require from God any proof,

or any text, nor do they knock on a door

to make sure this is the right street.

 

They run,

and they run.

 

~ Rumi

What happens when you cut and throw the circle around the zero away, tell your lover of your love, and she replies, "That's not enough."

Is there anything else to be said? Can you make an argument? Throw a tantrum?

I said nothing and ran. When the core of Love is judged as not enough there is a shock, an acknowledgement of a grave mis-calculation. There is no there there. But the Love is still there; the Heart still beats and fills with an outpouring of a great amount of caring.

It's just misplaced. The object is not what was perceived and there is no way to know if it ever really existed or when it changed. I trust my Heart. That is the reality of the Lovers' Love. They run and they run, not from anything or towards anything, they run for the Joy of Running.